Thought for the Day:

“If you have to compete for a man, you’ve already lost.”

Question for the Day:

Would you compete for a man’s attention?

matt james bachelor


Okay, I’ll admit it.  I’m a reluctant fan of trash reality television.  When you work as a therapist like I do, there’s always something serious to discuss.  So when I’m home, not only do I not want to think, but I appreciate being able to observe other people’s problems without the need to offer solutions.  At work, I’m a witness to some pretty bizarre behavior on occasion, but it still doesn’t compare to the level of mental impairment that comes across our television screens every night.

The people that go on reality TV shows are dysfunctional 2.0.  Not only do they have issues, but they’re willing to invite the whole world to bear witness and the ladies of The Bachelor are no exception.  No matter how much the producers try to gloss it up with lush scenery, romantic music crescendos and exotic, picturesque destinations, The Bachelor follows the same formula as Love and Hip Hop.  Gather a group of insecure women in desperate pursuit of “love” around one single man and watch the sparks (side eyes, weaves, tears, fists and sometimes poop) fly!  A Ratchet Reality

However, The Bachelor is currently moving into uncharted waters because after 24 seasons, they’ve finally decided to throw the black community a bone and cast Matt James as the first black Bachelor.  I guess this is the part where we’re supposed to get excited and sing “We Shall Overcome” because now, a black man will have the opportunity to hoe around on television the same as everybody else.  And no, I don’t believe this is a sincere commitment to diversity on the part of ABC.  It’s likely their attempt to acknowledge the Black Lives Matter outcry without having to actually be proactive in support of the movement.  What WOULD be an honest step towards diversity and inclusion would be casting a black man as the lead with a group of mostly black women to choose from.  White bachelors usually run at about a five percent diversity rate in their contestant pool so a black man with mostly black women and a few outliers would have been a true show of equality.  But, I suppose since this is already a stretch for the franchise, we shouldn’t push it.

Now from what I can tell, Matt James is DEFINITELY committed to diversity because he’s made it clear that he’s hoping too see all types of women pouring out of those limos.  We first met Matt as a contestant on Clare Crawley’s season of The Bachelorette.  

matt and clare

No shade to him for dating interracially, but I sincerely hope ABC’s “fight the power” moment doesn’t just add more fuel to an already racially toxic society.   It would make for strong ratings if producers chose to pit black and white women against each other.  If you think fuses were short on other seasons, I’m not sure what’s about to happen if Becky makes the mistake of asking Tasha if her hair is real, or Aisha out twerks Shelly on the group date, but we’ll see.

Keeping it all the way real, it honestly might be hurtful to some black women if the first black Bachelor chooses someone other than a black woman as a wife, especially at a time when we are riding so hard for our men.  That’s an emotional consequence that the out-of-touch network executives would never even know to consider.  While they’re wanting to make sure the first black Bachelor is as safe and universally appealing as possible, black women are left to wonder if our beauty and value will be appreciated this season or end up casualties of ABC’s attempt at cultural competency.  Nonetheless, there’s sure to be heartbroken women of all backgrounds, hanging their entire self-image on a $2 rose, per usual.

crying bachelor girl 2

The Bachelor brand was built on the emotional instability of insecure women with vividly distorted imaginations.   The whole idea that there’s a “prince charming” out there that will “choose” you if you’re pretty enough and lovable enough, is a fantasy that needs to die.  Yes, there are good men in the world but none of them are perfect and when you meet the right one, there should be no competition.  We as women need to move away from seeing each other as the barriers to finding love and acknowledge that desperation, poor self esteem, and low self worth are the real enemies.  Though the “fight for love” makes for entertaining reality television, it will never produce a reality worth watching.

“Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.”

Jeremiah 17:7

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