Thought For The Day:
“Fathers should make you feel safe.” – Karen Cushman
Question For The Day:
Do you struggle with Father’s Day?
I’m not going to take to much time tonight because I’m on vacation, and my kids will have a conniption if I spend too much time doing anything that resembles work right now. But it is Father’s Day and I felt I should say a few words to my sisters who are struggling. As a counselor, I am aware that many women are in pain today. Father’s Day tends to remind many of us of what we want and/or didn’t have and the anger and disappointment that often comes with it. Having to accept that something you should have had, always wanted, and frankly deserved just never happened, is difficult, especially when the reasons for the lack often had nothing to do with you. I have known many women well into middle age that still yearn for the love that they never received from a daddy. There are women who are still angry over abuse perpetrated by their fathers or enraged over baby daddies that did not step up to the plate and man up to their responsibilities. Many women are frustrated with having to explain to children today why daddy never comes around, when for him the holiday might be just another reason to “turn up” with the boys. Raising children (well) seems to take the strength of ten men at times, but often women are left to go it alone which is a travesty and enough to make a single mom want pull the cover over her head on Father’s Day and sleep straight through it.
It’s complicated, but I believe that all women are ultimately daddy’s girls. We all needed a man in our lives when we were coming of age to tell us we looked pretty, and to scoop us up when we fell and hurt ourselves. We needed a man to believe in us and tell us that we were smart and had all the potential in the world. We needed a big, menacing daddy to stare down that first boyfriend and make it clear to him that he might be able to get in some other girl’s pants, but to even enjoy the presence of our company, he had better come correct or be dealt with. All of this attention and protection says to a girl that she is special, precious and worthy. Without that basic validation from a man, we women will seek it out everywhere. We’ll run from man to man, in search of that core male acceptance all because there wasn’t a daddy to kiss the boo boos and make it all better.
Awareness is power ladies. If you grew up without a father, it’s okay to admit that it hurt. I know you may have had a strong, proud mother who raised you to believe that you don’t need a man for anything and that she could be all the mother and father you needed, but it may be time to let your guard down and own the fact that the absence of your daddy was painful and left wounds that are slow to heal. It doesn’t make you weak to admit that the little girl in you just wants to hear daddy tell you that he loves you. If you don’t acknowledge it, you may not recognize the unhealthy pattern of behavior that often results, which might subconsciously represent your desire to fill that void in your own strength.
The beautiful thing about earthly fathers is that they are simply reflections of our heavenly Father. Yes, it hurts to not have a flesh and blood daddy here on earth, but it will hurt forever unless you recognize there is a heavenly Father who can still tell you you’re beautiful, scoop you up when you fall and empower you to reach your highest potential. There is no pain known to man, that our heavenly Father can’t heal. That’s why I salute my natural father for being an example of this is my life. But I’m even more grateful that my sisters who had to go without, can experience the same peace and security. If you’re in need of a Father, try God. I call him Jesus, and with Him, we can all be Daddy’s girls.