Who’d Have Thought it and What For?

red_roseYeah that’s right, yet another blog by yet another woman with way too much to say.  Okay, it’s true.  Despite being a therapist who talks people through issues for a living, and having a husband and three children who are often on the receiving end of the volcano of words that is my mouth, I still have something to say.  I’ve wanted to blog for a couple of years now but frankly, I’m still somewhat of an idiot when it comes to navigating the internet.  So, today’s inaugural post is a test drive of sorts.  It’ll be sometime before it actually looks worthy enough for visitors but it will satisfy my need to write and give all my excess verbalization a home, for now.

So what is this blog going to be about?  Well, as the title suggests, I want people, especially my sisters, to get high on the regular. And not just  high, but drunk, blazed, and straight twisted!  Who do you know that doesn’t enjoy getting high?  As a clinical social worker who works with people with substance addictions, I’ve talked extensively with my clients about what motivates one to smoke crack to the point of losing their children or drink to the point of destroying their liver.  Though none of them are proud of it, they freely admit that there are few things that provide the euphoria that drugs and alcohol can.  Experiencing the emotional relief of that euphoria, no matter how brief, always feels worth it in the moment.  Yet, what typically lands people into treatment is the eventual acceptance that the high they were chasing will never be sustainable.  The money will run out, the family will turn their back, the job will be lost, the man will walk out and move on.  The if is what keeps the denial going for so long, but the when is what kicks an addict in the ass and brings them into treatment.  And though it seems that stopping the use of one’s drug of choice is the goal, it’s really just a first step on a much longer journey.  When the substance is gone, what is often left behind is a broken, void existence full of soul shattering pain that now has nowhere to hide.  It’s a scary place to be.  Looking at the truth of who you are, what you’ve been through, and what you have done to and with your life, is not for punks.  In fact,  many people who the world would call successful are no better at it.  It’s just that their drug of choice may not be as seedy or socially unacceptable as meth, crack or anonymous sex.  Many people use work, success, fame, and even religion to hide.  But unlike my clients, the world celebrates their addiction.  The same is true for me.  Just because I’m a therapist doesn’t mean I have all the answers either.  I’m walking out my journey just like everyone else.  I’ve used everything from weed, to alcohol, to friends, to outside validation to get high myself. Even today, donuts are my crack and the first thing I crave when I’ve had a hard day.   I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety and truth be told, I could have used more time on some therapist’s couch, especially in my twenties.

But a funny thing happened on the way to becoming a grown woman, I encountered the Most High.  He called me to this life as a social worker. I know that sounds like bullish, and truthfully if I hadn’t lived it, the counselor in me would have wondered if it was just an excuse to not follow my dreams. I was pursuing a career in Hollywood and saw myself as the head of a production company.  I was well on my way and was a writers’ assistant and producer’s assistant on a few hit shows.  Yet I was deeply unfulfilled and didn’t know why.  I was tremendously depressed and lonely even though I had more friends then than I’ve ever had as a social worker.  I was compelled, persuaded, and inspired to change course in a way that I honestly didn’t plan.  When God moves you, it can take time for you to catch up with Him.  Despite a clear anointing and an instant fulfillment with this new life and the family I was given as a bonus, I still spent many years angry with God, confused, and feeling like a failure.  But when I finally accepted the life I was given, I learned that everything I once was after, couldn’t keep me high. Humility, love, and service opens the door to that good stuff.  I want to help women get high on God, on life, on themselves.  I want to examine us as we show up in the world and in the media.  I want to challenge the obvious self loathing and misrepresentation of us.  And most importantly, I want to help someone the way that many people helped me along the way.  As the blog progresses, I’m sure you’ll learn more about me and all of the crazy stuff I’ve tried.  I’ll share with you some of my Hollywood adventures, social work adventures, and marraige and family adventures.  I’m so glad to have a place to tell my story because I have one of those lives that would make me look like a pathological liar if I told it in its entirety.  So, I’ll give it to you in pieces, so it’s easier to digest. And I should warn you now, I’m goofy.  I like to laugh and have fun so if you’re looking for a super serious Oprah type of spiritual commentary, this may not be the read for you.  So if you want to ride with me, let’s go.  Let’s get high together.  Pass the peace (hold the pipe) and let’s get lifted girls!

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